Stargaze
by Serena Kenobi
Summary: Her fierce facade wavered, and she glanced away again. Emboldened by her hesitation, I took another step towards her and added: "Neytiri, I want to understand you. I'm here to learn. What is it?" Jake/Neytiri oneshot. Sequel to 'Heartbeat.'


**_Stargaze_  
**

**By Serena**

**A/N: **_This is a sequel to **Heartbeat. **I think I'm going to follow my Star Trek: 2009 tradition and go with a trilogy of oneshots, along with a full-length fic. But I'm already writing the full-length fic, so that'll probably be posted before the third oneshot. :) _

_This story is dedicated to one of my fanfic heroes **Mira-Jade**, whose work I absolutely love. She inspired me to finish this and continue with a multi-chapter fic. Thanks so much, Mira! :)  
_

_**Disc:** Don't own!  
_

* * *

If there's one thing I never planned on doing, it was this. Not that I even thought about this up until Tom died. Even then, I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into. I figured it would just be another military thing. You get your orders, follow them, and obey them until you're done with the mission. No big deal. I'd been in the Marines - it didn't get much harder than that.

Man, I was such an idiot. Thought I knew everything. Threw myself into the mission headfirst like I did everything. But when I actually got to Pandora, I realized that my mission wasn't exactly what I'd been expecting. I mean, I'd heard a bit about the Avatar program, but it wasn't like I really got it. That mind-transferring stuff was all sci-fi. I didn't think they could actually transfer someone's consciousness into another body. That was just weird.

But when I read up on the Avatar program, on Dr. Grace Augustine, and what the program would entail, my impression of weird quickly shifted into one word: incredible. The idea that I could drive a remotely controlled Avatar... be able to walk again, to run again, to feel earth between my toes and under my feet, to be able to twist, turn, and move without a damn wheelchair...

I'd never thought it would be like this.

Then, I met Neytiri. She was a viperwolf herself - bold, unafraid, passionate about everything - her people, animals, her surroundings, you name it. I came to see that it wasn't just things that she was passionate about - it was life itself. She drank each day in like a parched person dying of thirst. She charged through the hours and sucked up every moment of them.

I admired that about her. Well, I admired a lot of things about her. She was brave, daring, but kind and gentle when she needed to be. I saw her with the kids of the village, playing and laughing with them. She was also gorgeous. I didn't think any other girls I'd seen even came close to her - both outside and in.

My mission went from following orders... to improvising... to taking it day by day. At first, it was an act. Play along, right? Pretend. Just do what they say and learn as much as possible. But each day turned from sticking to the mission to actually _being, living _as one of the Na'vi. Soon enough I realized that the pretense was becoming the reality, and my previous life felt like a dream. It scared the hell out of me. But at the same time, it was so freeing.

When I said that if there was one thing I never planned on doing, it was this, I meant that I never in a million years saw myself swinging through the trees of a massive jungle with the most beautiful girl in the world as my guide. I never saw myself becoming friends with a bunch of so-called "savages", hunting, running, flying with them.

I never saw myself having feelings for an alien princess. It just... never even crossed my mind. But I don't think it would for most guys.

A few days ago, Neytiri showed me a really cool little spot - like a paradise. It was pretty far from Hometree, but it was so secluded and quiet. The water was clear, and the pool bed lit up as we swam in the late afternoon.

I couldn't believe that I'd actually screwed up the courage to kiss her. But I did. It was amazing. She was so soft and beautiful. For a moment, I completely forgot about everything in my past life - and I mean _everything. _I really didn't want to let her go, but our _ikrans_ showed up. I swear mine looked at me funny, like he knew what I was thinking.

Things weren't the same between Neytiri and me after that. I didn't regret kissing her, but there was this underlying tension. It'd been growing for the past few months, but now it was really out there now that I'd kissed her. She knew how I felt. And I pretty much knew how she felt.

I had to outright tell her soon before I went crazy.

When night came, and most of the Na'vi were returning to their hammocks, Neytiri started for hers. But I wasn't exactly tired, and I told her so. She gave me a funny look.

"You have been working hard all day," she said, puzzled. "Usually you want sleep by now."

"Not tonight," I said. My brain wracking for ideas before she went to sleep, I glanced up at the sky. "Hey, let's stargaze."

"Stargaze?" She followed my eye path, where the planets, other moons, and stars hung in the sky. I had to admit, it was a lot more impressive here than in earth. Well, from most places I lived on earth, you could hardly see the stars because of light pollution. But here, everything was amplified and completely visible. In fact, it was so bright and clear you could see pretty well in the dark. But that also might've had to do with my enhanced Na'vi eyesight.

"Yeah," I said. "You know, where you lie on your back and look up at the stars. It's nice. Ever done it before?" I would've thought that she had, being so much more nature-oriented than humans.

But strangely enough, her quizzical expression grew dark, and she looked away. Uh-oh. What had I said now?

"Neytiri? You all right?"

But she didn't respond, just turned and walked away.

"Neytiri! Hey! Wait!" I jogged up to her and touched her shoulder. She pulled away and still wouldn't face me. Undeterred, I moved in front of her and took both of her forearms in my hands, holding her so she couldn't turn away from me again. "Neytiri," I tried again in a more coaxing tone. "What's wrong?" I hadn't seen her this upset since we first met. But she looked even more upset now.

She just shook her head and refused to look at me. Her bottom lip trembled, and her eyes glittered with tears. She tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her.

"Neytiri," I said, concerned. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"No," she said through a tightly clenched jaw. She was breathing heavily through her nose and shaking her head. She looked everywhere else except me. "No. I can't."

"Can't what?"

Finally, she looked at me through angry, sad eyes, and shoved me away from her, pulling back at the same time. "No! You do not understand!"

Instead of retreating, I stood my ground and stared at her calmly. "So explain."

Her fierce facade wavered, and she glanced away again. Emboldened by her hesitation, I took another step towards her and added: "Neytiri, I want to understand you. I'm here to learn. What is it? Did I do something to offend you?"

Neytiri's eyes slid closed, and a pained expression crossed her features. "No," she whispered. "No, it is not..." She opened her eyes and gazed at me. After a pause, she sighed. "I will tell you. Come." She turned and started up the twisted inside of Hometree. I followed her, matching her quick pace, until we reached the top branches. She stepped out onto a large branch until she nearly reached its end. Slowly, she sat down, crossing her long legs over each other. I took a seat next to her and glanced at her before gazing up at the sky.

She waited a long minute before finally speaking in a low, broken voice. "Have you ever lost someone... someone close to you?"

I looked over at her and nodded slowly. I swallowed, thinking of my brother. Even after all this time, it still hurt like hell to think of him. "Yeah."

Now she met my eyes. "Who?"

"My brother. Tom." I shook my head. "He was supposed to be in my place, you know. If he hadn't died... I wouldn't be here. So I guess... I owe him."

"You... love him?"

"Yeah, I did. He was my brother. We were really different, though. He was a scientist, like Grace. I'm... not." I smiled dryly.

"No," she said softly. "You are _taronyu." _Her tail flicked up, then curled down and rested on the tree branch.

I nodded. "Yeah. A _taronyu._" The Na'vi language, although a pain in the neck to learn, was getting easier day by day. I'd never been good with languages, and this one was one of the hardest to learn, Grace had told me, but immersing myself in the Na'vi culture and being with them pretty much twenty-four seven, it was starting to become more natural.

But I didn't get why she was suddenly asking me about my brother. "What's going on, Neytiri?" I asked her. "Why all these questions?"

Her eyes slid shut, and her head went down. She let out a long, shaky breath, and instantly I felt bad for pressing her.

"Look, I'm sorry - I didn't mean-"

"No," she interrupted me. "Do not apologize." When she opened her eyes, they were watery with tears. She turned her gaze up to the sky and pulled her knees into her chest, wrapping her arms around her shins. Resting her chin on her kneecaps, she said quietly: "I also lost someone close to me."

Oh, damn. Now I really felt like a _skxawng. _Keeping my mouth shut this time, I just sat there and waited for her to continue.

"She was _tsmuke," _Neytiri murmured. "Young. Barely old enough to stand."

Sister. Neytiri had lost a baby sister. Man. At least I'd known my brother for a long time. He was thirty-one when he died - still young. But having your baby sister die was something else altogether.

Neytiri was crying now. I wanted to reach out but didn't want to upset her. Instead, I uttered heavily:_ "Tsap'alute sengi oe." _

She wiped her eyes and sniffed. I'd never seen her this vulnerable, this upset before. But I understood. I understood her pain, how she felt. The loss that ripped your heart wide open and never really went away. Time really didn't heal all wounds, I thought.

"_Irrtya _watched the stars with me," Neytiri said, distantly staring up at the night sky. "She tried to catch them in her hands."

Oh. Damn, Jake, could you be anymore of an idiot? Stargazing was Neytiri's tradition with her baby sister, and here I was asking her to go through that pain again. "Neytiri," I sighed wearily, "I'm... I didn't mean... I'm sorry." Lame, I know. But what else could I say to her? What else could you say to a person who had lost family?

Irritated at myself, I shifted my body and moved closer to her until I was almost touching her. I slowly reached out and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. To my slight surprise and relief, she curled up against me, leaning her head on my chest. She angled her body so it fit right up against mine and slipped a long, thin arm around my waist.

_"Irayo,"_she whispered.

I rested my head against the top of hers and rubbed her forearm gently. "You're welcome."

Tomorrow. I'd tell her how I felt tomorrow. I didn't want to spoil the moment by talking.

No, for tonight, I was more than fine with just holding her and stargazing.

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

**_Na'vi words: _**

_Taronyu_ - hunter

_Skxawng_ - moron

_Tsmuke - _sister

_Irrtya -_ (sister's name)

_Tsap'alute sengi oe -_ I'm sorry (I apologize)

_Irayo_ - thank you

* * *

_Reviews are appreciated. :)_

_- Serena  
_


End file.
